One novice asked me, “What is your spirituality? Was it St. John’s or St. Therese’s…?” I answered with a laugh, then saying I don’t know anything about it. He insist I should have defined my spirituality by now, ‘You are a Carmelite’, he said. I laughed again, denying the assumption.
I served with the Carmelites for years but honestly, I knew nothing about the Carmelite saints aside from their names. Spared little time researching their lives, let alone their spirituality. I’m not a member of the Carmel Youth nor the Confraternity. If based on these reasons, I think, I am not a Carmelite.
I very well know how to pray the rosary but I am not a ‘fan’ of it, though I love and respect Mary. Any prayer that is memorized and read is not my thing. It is something about me that’s not to be proud of. A little disappointing for some people. But I prefer to sit quietly or walk alone while my heart do the ‘talking’ with God. Maybe this is my spirituality, maybe I just don’t want it defined.
On a side note, oftentimes, when talking to seminarians or aspiring to be one (specially those still in college seminary studying philosophy or novices), things always point to spirituality or theology — a subject I am not a master of.
Everything they say is based on scriptures, on dogmas, on philosophers. Almost everything is spiritual, everything is lovely, everything is inspiring and moving. Yes it is. The grace of God is immeasurable you will feel it in your bones, in your flesh, in every atom of your being. It is, until you finally stepped in.
I wish I could break their ecstatic feeling and elation but I am not the right person to do it and I don’t want to spoil the journey too. I would love to see them struggle a bit. Just kidding.
I am not going to discuss what spirituality is all about because it is not my forte. Writing anything that is religious or spiritual is not my strong point. I only write about my truth and my experiences in this life. This does not generally speak about all the clergy or the aspiring ones. But I guess, one day, I may write about them. I just hope that I will also write the good ones. Lol.